It could have been grounds for a fight.
My husband asked if the laundry in the basket sitting in front of the washer was clean and ready for him to fold. I told him it was still dirty.
Since it wasn’t clean, he walked away and left the dirty laundry sitting in front of the empty washer.
Instead of letting my anger flare and picking a fight that he didn’t go ahead and start the wash, I took it as an opportunity for me to ask him a question and learn how his mind thinks.
He WAS planning on folding the laundry after all…
It simply didn’t occur to him that the dirty laundry could have started to get washed. His mind was only on the track of folding laundry. That wasn’t an option, so off he went on his merry way.
If I had said to him, “No, it’s still dirty and I haven’t had a chance to start it. Would you be able to do that?” he would have done it without hesitation.
If I had gotten super pissed that he didn’t start the laundry without me asking, I would have ruined our Sunday afternoon.
This little misunderstanding was a great chance for us to communicate about how our thinking differs and how he wasn’t trying to avoid extra work. We talked about the mental load that comes with running the household and more.
Unless you are in a very toxic relationship, more often than not, people are not trying to piss you off and start fights. (I have to believe that’s true.) If you pause and ask a question, you might find that there is more to the story, or, as in this case, sometimes less. Open up the conversation to learn more about each other.
If you’d like to get better at gaining perspective and communicating with your partner or co-workers, let’s talk.