Many law firm leaders face the same challenge every Thanksgiving: they’re physically present but mentally absent.
Not because they’re checking email—most have learned not to do that. But because their minds are still at work.
The Pattern
At Thanksgiving dinner, a managing partner sits with family. His kids are catching up with each other. His wife’s engaged in the conversation.
And he’s mentally running through the brief that’s due Monday.
His wife notices: “You were somewhere else all day.”
She’s right.
What Doesn’t Fix It
The obvious solutions don’t work.
Leaving the phone in another room doesn’t help when your brain goes there anyway.
Setting boundaries with clients doesn’t matter if you don’t respect your own boundaries.
Hiring more people just creates more things to think about.
Better systems help. But they’re not the core issue.
The Real Problem
The core issue is identity.
After years of building value around being the person who’s always thinking about the work, who never fully checks out—being actually present feels wrong.
There’s a part that likes being mentally at work during Thanksgiving. It reinforces importance. If your brain’s occupied with work even on holidays, it means what you do matters.
It means you’re essential.
The Cost
One managing partner’s daughter asked him a question during Thanksgiving dinner. Twice. He didn’t hear her either time.
She said “never mind” and went back to her phone.
That’s when he realized: She learned from him that being physically present while mentally absent is normal.
She’ll do the same thing to her kids someday. Because he taught her that’s how you show up.
What Changes
The shift comes from asking different questions.
Not “How do I stop thinking about work?”
But “What am I protecting by not being present?”
The honest answer: importance.
But here’s the truth: The people at the table don’t need you to be important. They need you to be there.
Not physically there while mentally reviewing briefs. Actually there.
This Year
The work will be there Friday. It always is.
But the moment when someone asks you a question and you actually hear them? That moment’s gone if you miss it.
For strategies on being actually present during the holidays, read our complete guide on sustainable law firm leadership.
