How often are you having date nights?
Probably not often enough if you have kids.
It’s easy to just let dating your partner fall by the wayside. There are so many other things going on. So many excuses. You become complacent to the fact that you’ve already found each other, you don’t need to keep romancing each other.
Plus the kids are around. The kids are ALWAYS around.
One of the big reasons couples struggle to have a date is because you have to find and pay for a sitter.
I have to confess, we’ve never paid for a babysitter. Not even once in eleven years.
There are a few reasons why that could be the case:
- We never go out or do anything together as a couple.
- We are supremely negligent and leave our kids home alone no matter their age.
- We are exceedingly fortunate to have 2 sets of parents who are willing and able to watch our kids, even from the first week we were parents.
If you guessed #3, you’d be correct.
As I write this, our oldest is 11 years old. My husband and I have made a very purposeful point to take time out so we can connect as a couple in those 11 years, to go on frequent dates.
We happen to be exceedingly fortunate to have both our sets of parents close in proximity and eager to spend time with our boys for overnights and otherwise. So we haven’t had to pay for any sitters. We recognize that it is a huge blessing to have that capability. And we have made sure to capitalize on that capability, typically about once every month or two, sometimes more.
I’d like to think that even if we did have to pay for a sitter, we would still make that time to connect as a couple. Otherwise I could see the potential to feel like you are just roommates. Just two ships passing in the night. And what is to stop those ships from drifting too far apart to find each other again?
A friend once told me that it had been years since she and her husband had gone on a date. Years. To me that was heartbreaking. It’s hard enough to connect even with the frequent dates!
I have a friend who has local parents who are seemingly willing to watch her kids quite often, but she feels guilty asking them too frequently.
It can be a chore to figure out a babysitter. It can feel like another task to go out and have a date. Another thing on the calendar.
Date your partner anyway.
Even if you go out for one single hour to sit and have an uninterrupted conversation at a restaurant; even if you talk about the kids the whole time; even if you have to sit quietly in the living room without the tv on after the kids have gone to bed to talk, have a date.
The reason this is so important: you need to have your partner by your side. You need to be united. You need to feel connected. You need to be able to ask for help and lean on one another. You need to have a tether to one another so your ships don’t drift and so that you don’t feel lost at sea.
If that feels like too big an ask or too hard to accomplish, send me a message at [email protected]. We can see if working together would be a good way for you to build confidence and set meaningful priorities.