No one would ever think to describe me as an athlete. I was never one to get sweaty in PE or sign up for team sports. Currently, my idea of a workout is a 4-mile speed walk with my friend. I didn’t even learn to ride a bike until I was twelve years old…
So when I was around six and was invited to a roller-skating party, I was horrified that I had to try something that was not just running around in the yard and playing with mud and sticks. Things with wheels were not my first choice and the hardwood floor looked pretty hard to take a fall on.
Well, I tried it and I am pretty sure I sucked at it because, hello, wheels on your feet and polished hardwood.
Being a six-year-old with a proclivity for just running around the yard and playing with mud and sticks, I wanted to just call it quits and watch safely from the bleachers while the other kids whizzed around the shiny gym floor.
My friend Julia Rollins was not about to let that happen. She gracefully glided over to me on her skates and encouraged me to keep trying; “Come on, Melissa! Believe in yourself!”
Well, I honestly don’t even recall if stubborn and terrified six-year-old me listened and believed in myself that day, but my mother loved that my little friend gave me such sage advice.
For the next rest of my life, my mother would say to me “remember what Julia Rollins said, believe in yourself!” I’m not sure why she decided to always credit Julia with the advice, but she did. Regardless of who got the credit, throughout my life I heard the words “believe in yourself.” It might seem a little hokey or obvious, but damnit if it didn’t stick.
“Believe in yourself” strikes me as different from “you can do whatever you put your mind to.” It’s the believing part that puts more merit in having trust and confidence in yourself. Putting your mind to something feels like it requires more work, which is fine, but it doesn’t have the same ring. And to be fair, I can put my mind to lifting a car, but it’s probably not going to happen. Unless I guess if my kid were trapped under it. Then, yeah, I’d probably Hulk that thing outta there.
Believing in yourself requires trusting yourself. It asks that you find confidence within you, that you can stuff your feet into shoes with little plastic wheels on them and move around on that high gloss, polyurethaned floor. If you fall, you’ll get back up.
Trust in yourself requires that you take that leap of faith. I wouldn’t have been a substitute teacher in an inner city high school when I looked about as old as the students themselves if it weren’t for trusting in myself. I did it scared, but I believed in my ability to do it.
I wouldn’t have become a coach for working mothers if I didn’t believe in myself either. When I first considered this path, the doubts were deafening. ‘Who am I to guide others? What if no one takes me seriously?’ But that same voice – believe in yourself – pushed me forward. I trusted that my experiences as a working mother, combined with my training and natural empathy, would allow me to truly help women who were struggling with the very challenges I’d faced. Taking that leap was terrifying, but believing in myself made all the difference – and now I get to help other women discover that same confidence in themselves.
Believing in yourself requires that you really, honestly think yourself worthy and think that you deserve it. So do you?
Because here’s what I’ve learned working with women who are juggling careers and motherhood: We often trust ourselves the least when we need to trust ourselves the most.
That promotion you’re hesitating to apply for? That boundary you need to set with your boss? That new routine you want to implement with your kids? These moments aren’t just about putting in the work – they’re about believing you’re worthy of success.
Little six-year-old me on roller skates needed to believe before I could skate. And you, magnificent working mother that you are, need to believe before you can create the balanced life you deserve.
So next time you’re facing your own version of a slippery hardwood floor with wheels strapped to your feet, I hope you’ll hear a little voice saying, “Remember what Julia Rollins said…” And remember that I am here to help firm up that belief if you need it.
[And Julia, if you’re out there, know that you made a difference in my life.]