The boys were already downstairs making noise before I even washed the pillow creases off my face.
Noise that just so happened to be music to my ears…
Floating up from the kitchen was the melodious notes of the dishwasher being emptied and the dishes being put away by children. Without being asked or reminded. Mind boggling, right?
There was a post on IG the other day from a mom who speaks openly and honestly about parenthood and how comically unpredictable and generally screwed up it all is. She mentioned that if a parent says their mornings aren’t completely chaotic, then they are lying.
Well, I am not lying when I tell you: we have arrived. My 10 and 12 year old boys are virtually self-sufficient in the mornings.
Not all of our mornings are blissful and breezy. My youngest cut his finger slicing his own bagel and derailed us just a week ago. But these days, more often than not, I am able to disengage from the boy’s morning routine and just let them manage themselves.
Here’s a comprehensive list of the morning things they get done with little to no prompting or reminding from me:
- Get dressed
- Brush teeth and hair
- Wash faces
- Empty the dishwasher
- Make and eat breakfast
- Make snack and lunch/look up hot lunch
- Pack backpacks
- Start laundry if necessary
Writing that list leaves me bursting with pride.
Let me be perfectly clear, the well oiled machine that we currently enjoy was hard won. When my oldest was about 7 or 8, I nearly lost my mind because I had to stay on him. Every. Step. Of. The. Agonizing. Way.
Until I realized that it wasn’t working. For either of us. I was tired of my blood boiling in frustration at micromanaging him. My yelling didn’t encourage him to move any faster. I had to step back and let him manage his own time. He would need to live with whatever natural consequence he’d come up against if he decided to drag his feet all morning.
We had a discussion. He knew the tasks that needed completing every morning; he could manage his own time however he wanted. He needed to be downstairs by a certain time to keep himself on track. I made it clear that he would be put on the bus without lunch and in pajamas if he made the choice not to get his butt in gear. (He knows I don’t make false promises and he didn’t want to test that outcome.)
It took a little time and an adjustment period, but it worked. No more yelling or boiling blood or tears. Fast forward to now and both kids are self-sufficient, and I’m not lying when I tell you I barely need to be there.
If you’re doing something a certain way and it’s not working, maybe it’s time to try something new. Don’t keep banging your head against the wall. Don’t let yourself be stuck in a rut of the ways things usually work. When your comfort zone is no longer all that comfortable, you need a new tactic. You could end up with newfound music to your ears. And that’s no lie.
P.S. A good start to getting musical mornings is to watch my quick workshop on delegation.