Why is it so difficult to make a positive change in your behavior?
It shouldn’t be that hard, right? You’re smart, you know what you want to do. You might even know how to do it. Yet the behavior you seek continues to elude you. It’s pretty frustrating. And it is totally normal.
Knowing why something is (or is not) happening is the first step to breaking through whatever is holding you back. So we turn to science to get facts so we can work on a solution.
Here are some of the main reasons why change is so hard:
- The carrot is better than the stick. It’s natural for people (and especially lawyers) to get pulled into fear, regret, shame, and guilt – and believe that we will change to avoid this pain. Behavior change studies show that a positive reason for making a change is much more effective than relying on fear and regret. So if you really want to change – try flipping the negative to a positive.
- All or nothing thinking – leads to nothing. It is easy to feel overwhelmed when you’re trying to drive a change – especially because change requires failure. And failing at a task can cause high performers to believe they are a failure. Of course, that’s patently false – but your brain can convince you it is true. To really make change happen, take all or nothing off the table.
- Taking on too much. High achievers naturally take on lots of things – often too much. And we want everything to happen quickly. That’s not how change works. Breaking big goals into smaller tasks, and putting them in sequence (one after the other) – rather than all at once, dramatically increases your chances of success.
- Using a hammer to drive a screw. You need the right tools for the project. Adopting new behaviors requires new tools and new skills. Learning to use those tools and skills requires a beginner’s mind. And that’s hard for lawyers – who are used to being experts at, well, everything. Part of your change plan should be acquiring and learning how to use new skills – and practicing them.
- Respect the process. Making changes to habits is rarely simple because so many behaviors are connected to other triggers and other behaviors. Change is a process, not an event. The more you know about the process, the easier it will be for you to navigate it – and overcome the setbacks that will happen.
- Commitment and support issues. Behavior change requires a high level of commitment – which is driven by the purpose (the why) of the change. It also requires support, or what scientists call a “commitment device” that establishes where you are going, and how you are going to do it – with accountability. Trying to make a big change alone is always more difficult.
You don’t have to tolerate being stuck. Keep working on the problem, and you can solve it – just like you solve complicated legal issues for your clients.
-Doug
P.s… Want more of my best productivity tips. Click here to get your copy of my latest Productivity Tips for Lawyers